Forever At A Fault
Current mood: Empty and lost

This Town, I hate it. This fucknig freezing weather. I hate it.
I found the answer to what I was looking for yesterday. My life has been so shitty for the fact; I have not been alone. I think I am ment to be alone. Becouse when around other people. I let them my concrol my outlooks, or something. It's really strang. Why should I feel bad for not being someone eles? I don't understand the point. And whats the point to overpowering someone? Does it give people a comfort in their life to know that someone is not as good as somethign or are not them? Bleh, The last few days have been weird. I stepped out of my life and what I do everyday and went into some other peoples ways of life, that are nothing like mine, but have purpose. I sit in this damn room all day..trying to be something I just am not. Listening to someone's words for the first time and their annoying. I sure I am also. I think I want to be alone. She thinks shes a Love DOC. She thionks her advice true. When I am affraid the only love shes learned from is the tv shows she watches on cable. She confused caring w/ obbsession. Shes the oppiste of me. I care about people...i let them distoy me...and her. She lives in her own world. She'll sit here, play her video games....sit on her comp until her brain fall out. Thats ok w/ me ,but i am not going to do it. I have other things I want to acomplish. I have lost sight of my life when the sun hides in the winter. I hate it. I alway feel the need to wrap myself in someone...to hibernate untill it all just passes. She says she thinks she knows me more than anyone, more then myself. It's bulshit....
I am still missing my loved one, but I taste a bit of forgetfullness. I think He's forgot abotu me as i have been him, but I try not to think about him. If I do, I miss him ,and want to call him. That wont end up good. He'll jsut blow me off and hurt my feelings. I always feel so pathetic. He's says, he find comfort in me. I make his house a home. Does he miss that. Is the world feeling alien to him? Or has he fond a viod to forget and live w/ out befor he met me. He has to miss me. I would love just to walk in the freezing cold across town right now just to kiss him, but...I am afraid of the results.I forgot what he looked like. I forgot his face..the smelll. I found it lastnight, laying,thinking. I don't know what the meaning of life is...or why i keep living it the way i do....but i know I can choose what to do or where to go. Theres all these atmohpheres i could choose to live in.... and i seem to be picking the one i least want. .. i don't even know what i want at this point. i jsut want the sun to come back. I need to get away. Go somewhere. Do something. Put my mind to use and not lettign people make me feel like i am dumb and worthless. thats what makes people worthless , is when you sit there and make them feel that way. ....thats why i am best alone.


I miss Tyler. <333333333333

ALrighty, so this is a little diffrent than the last few entrys. Whiles that matter...not to sure. Notice the title. Ever notice the moment someone knows you love them....The moment they gain power..they abuse it. Know, i am sick of always feeling stupid for how i feel. I am sick of it being ok for people to brake me while i already have been trying to glue myself and everyone eles around me, together. Normaly i would never say a word, but I can only keep in so much. To what ecstent is it ok to do this act of greed. I try to be understanding, i try to give all my angles of the infinint possibilities there could be. I justify your actions for you. Everyone hurts someone eles from a reason. Don' t you see... don't you know this is a learned power. Who am i to jugd the ones that hurt me. But I do nothing in my power to try and hurt anyone unless out of jelously, wich is just a animale insticnt. Sorry for all the mis spelled bulshit. Live w/ it. Anyways... I don't know. I feel compelled to ask for answers to benitfit my llife... i am sorry thats just a little to much for him to handle. Hwe doesnt have to want to worry about it. Better me than him right. See , he would have to think it for a min. A sec out of his day to make a descion. Is it really that bad ...realyl that selfish to want poeple to see how you feel abotu them...to show them what you do for them? I never ask for anything...I don't push even know h would say otherwise. Why, i am not the one drammatiseing things. I just want to know if he's gonig to stop hurting me or leave. I can live and mend myslef if he just gav up...but if he wont even tell he feels bad for the things he does....i can't siit and watch another person kill me w/ out them even knowing. I never ask him to care. I don't force him to think of me as more than anything than what he wants...but he still finds this errg to treat me liek shit. I can't take it anymore. I wont.

Alrighty, So. It's 1:13 pm. Molyls in the shower, i am sitting here waiting for her. For today We have plans....
maybe. Going to play DDR, go eat Jap. food and See the fuckers or what not. Yeah, I felt a need to write a new journal enrty. I Miss Tyler. My Ummmm, well, freind thats a boy? Hmm, right. Love, Whats the defiinion to this? So labels i fight eyeryday. I wish people wort so scared of their own emotions. I wish people wenrt so scared to love me. No one realises that i am one of the most understanding people there is. I am passive to any beliefs.I have not seen kissed tyler in 8 days. yes, I am counting. lol, pathetic, but true. I miss him so bad. He's been sick. ....and then we just have not hung out in awhile. I miss him so bad. I went to his houese yesterday. He was not there. I went to his room and i found a paper in thetrash. So, me being my slick sellf. I had to read it. To my shock, it was his writing. Tyler, the kid who never writes. had wrote. Yes, It said stuff abotu how he felt bad about being mean to me and such. It jsut kinda made me change my out-look on him just a little bit.
Yeah, anyways, i don't know why i left the need to have to write about it....but i am. anyways. i am not in a good writeing mood right, so ...sorry. I will write latter. Alrighty. ...peace

Alrighty, So, it's 12/7. I am sitting here at Mollys. It's been awhile senc I have been here and stayed awhile. Well, as I said in the last journal. I have a b/f. Oh my goodness, yes. One of those things. Ahaha, Life has been so waierd. It has been so damn cold. I hate the winter, I fucknig hate it. My father hates me... or something, i don't have the guts to call him up. I am a chicken. God, I have noticed more and more of how I remeber nothing of my past and it's horrible. I hear all these people talk of who they used to be... Oh hardcore gammers they used to be... all this shit and All i can think about it...wow, When all these kids were out having fun.. I was locked away in my room wanting to die. As dumb as that sounds. It's true. I only exist as how I am right now. i am only formed from the shapes I put infront of myself to mold me the way I wish. Theres so much I could write about, but you know Writing here feels limited and not...i don't know. Things have jsut been so crazy. Things, People say I worry so much, but i am ok w/ that if i am alone. It feels like my comfort to worry about things. Why should we feel so bad about not being someone eles, I mean we all have pluses. But who knows. I don't remeber anything. Anyways. I am gonig to go befor I write a book....so I'll catch ya all later. PeAcE

Listening to : A lot of thinngs......
Room: Sitting on Mollys floor again.
Feeling: empty and lost
Bleh.....night kids -1:12 am

Alrighty kids. So, I have not been on DA for ...well... A very long time. So much has changed in my life. And wow, I am way to lazy to try and explain it all right now. Lets just say so much has happened. Anyways, Lifes cooonnfoozin sometimes...and i will write about it some other time.

: Time 34 pm

Feeling: Tired...happy and such

Em0tions-Tired ..Purple..HAppy...connfoozited Thats a word

:bulletpurple Listening To-
Underoath-"when the sun still sleeps"
Jack Off jill " star no star"

Watching- Fear Dot Com
Palying- Nothing at the time

Room-Mollys room sitting on her floor

Reading-School stuff


News- I have a b/f WOW, oh yes...me...i have a b/f. he's purple..and funny and...Hmm, I lvoe him. I


Advice1- Whenever you feel down, just know that things change...look up at the sky remeber its jsut life, and your jsut a dream figure in someones dream.

2. Stand by what you think is right...don't let people make you feel bad about what you beleive in...don't dugd people...love them, let people talk...cofort them..