Forever At A Fault
Current mood: Empty and lost

This Town, I hate it. This fucknig freezing weather. I hate it.
I found the answer to what I was looking for yesterday. My life has been so shitty for the fact; I have not been alone. I think I am ment to be alone. Becouse when around other people. I let them my concrol my outlooks, or something. It's really strang. Why should I feel bad for not being someone eles? I don't understand the point. And whats the point to overpowering someone? Does it give people a comfort in their life to know that someone is not as good as somethign or are not them? Bleh, The last few days have been weird. I stepped out of my life and what I do everyday and went into some other peoples ways of life, that are nothing like mine, but have purpose. I sit in this damn room all day..trying to be something I just am not. Listening to someone's words for the first time and their annoying. I sure I am also. I think I want to be alone. She thinks shes a Love DOC. She thionks her advice true. When I am affraid the only love shes learned from is the tv shows she watches on cable. She confused caring w/ obbsession. Shes the oppiste of me. I care about people...i let them distoy me...and her. She lives in her own world. She'll sit here, play her video games....sit on her comp until her brain fall out. Thats ok w/ me ,but i am not going to do it. I have other things I want to acomplish. I have lost sight of my life when the sun hides in the winter. I hate it. I alway feel the need to wrap myself in someone...to hibernate untill it all just passes. She says she thinks she knows me more than anyone, more then myself. It's bulshit....
I am still missing my loved one, but I taste a bit of forgetfullness. I think He's forgot abotu me as i have been him, but I try not to think about him. If I do, I miss him ,and want to call him. That wont end up good. He'll jsut blow me off and hurt my feelings. I always feel so pathetic. He's says, he find comfort in me. I make his house a home. Does he miss that. Is the world feeling alien to him? Or has he fond a viod to forget and live w/ out befor he met me. He has to miss me. I would love just to walk in the freezing cold across town right now just to kiss him, but...I am afraid of the results.I forgot what he looked like. I forgot his face..the smelll. I found it lastnight, laying,thinking. I don't know what the meaning of life is...or why i keep living it the way i do....but i know I can choose what to do or where to go. Theres all these atmohpheres i could choose to live in.... and i seem to be picking the one i least want. .. i don't even know what i want at this point. i jsut want the sun to come back. I need to get away. Go somewhere. Do something. Put my mind to use and not lettign people make me feel like i am dumb and worthless. thats what makes people worthless , is when you sit there and make them feel that way. ....thats why i am best alone.


I miss Tyler. <333333333333